1. Set What You Want In Your Life and Marriage! Set your goals firm. Do not back off or let anyone interfere with your relationship!!! Whether it is your friends or relatives, do not allow anyone to interfere or compromise your goals, beliefs, or values. If you understand drinking and a good relationship usually do not mix, either stop hanging around those who drink or make sure they do not compromise your conviction. If you want to be active in church, be sure not to stay out late the night before. If you want to complement each other, do not hang around those who do not appreciate their mate.
2. Speak Only Positive and Good Things About Each Other! Words are very powerful and have meaning. Studies of couple who continued to speak positive and uplifting words to one another had meaningful marriages. If you want the other person to love and take care of you for a lifetime, invest in speaking good things about one another. Compare your relationship to a bank account. The more positive deposits you make, the more valuable your account.
3. Understand That No Relationship Is Perfect! The successful marriages limit any disagreements and escalation!!! It is proven that when we argue, our IQ usually goes down. The more we argue, the lower intelligence
4. Don’t Hold Grudges! There will be disagreements. Forgive easily and to work on issues. One of the marvelous things about relationships is that we are all different. A difference of opinion does not mean a couple is not compatible. It just means that we all have different opinions. We all have different ways to accomplish the same thing or there are times when the other person has a better idea.
5. Pray For One Another Every Day! There are some things that come from prayer and fasting. Pray a covering of protection over each other before leaving your home. Your prayers should include asking the Lord to set guardian angels to war and protect your home and your relationship. Your home is a sacred place, a refuge, one of protection, and one that validates your existence. You have to fight for your relationship! Once you leave your home, there are outside forces that are vying to gain your attention and affection. Your attention should always be focused on your mate and his/her health and well-being.
6. Pay Off Your Bills! Money is one of the most argued things within a marriage. It is very difficult to have one person’s obligations paid off while the other one is indebted and creating more debt. A marriage is about fairness, one that distributes equally and as a team, not buying toys while the other one is paying off bills.
7. Buy Things For One Another! One of the biggest complaints of marriage is when a person stops doing nice things as they did when they were dating. Just because we are now married does not mean for us to stop sending cards, small gifts, flowers, going out on a date, and taking a special time to tell each other you love each other. Things don’t have to be expensive, but it is the thought that counts. Remember to invest in your relationship!
8. When You Are Married, Act Married! Some people may have friends outside of their marriage, either from school, work, or church. It is important that both of you provide balance in your time and marriage. There is nothing wrong in playing sports, but if you are gone all the time from your spouse, someone else may be giving your spouse attention. Do not allow the “little foxes” spoil the vine. Being gone from your spouse may send a message that you prefer to spend more time with others than with them.
9. Attend Church Together! Marriage is difficult enough without maintaining a commitment to serve God. There are too many distractions and influences that will hinder a relationship without God. Remember your wedding vows, “What God has joined together”. Being close to God allows a couple to seek wisdom and guidance in their relationship. It also provides a willingness to allow forgiveness to play an important part of your marriage.
10. Touch A lot, Spend Special Time Alone! There is something special about touching! One thing is that is shows the importance of each other. But touching never solves disagreements but it validates you care for the other person. If there is a disagreement, one may try to comfort, make light of that disagreement, or use sex as a way to get the other person’s mind off the disagreement. This is wrong and is manipulative!!! Touch and sex is reserved for special times, not for ways to gain an advantage over the other partner.
11. Talk To Each Other About Major Purchases! You may have one person in your relationship that is very impulsive. Impulsiveness should never be a part of any major purchase or decision!!! This can place a financial and emotional burden on your relationship. Creating such a burden is not an act of love.
12. Don’t Let Arguments or Disagreements Get Out Of Hand! Disagreements in every relationship will happen, even in the best of marriages. Either of you can call a “time out” to set a time to discuss disagreements or you may agree to disagree for that moment.
There are some things over which you may disagree, such as disliking certain foods, having different tastes on clothing or furniture, or being use to certain ways to do things around the house. Remember that both of you were raised by two different families. How you are raised may have an influence on your preferences and the things you are use to as a family.
But you are now a new family. In these situations, it is probably best to agree on mutual things. Something that both of you can agree. Remember when disagreements arise, it is always best to try to limit your anger and communicate to each other in positive ways. Never name call or place negative put-downs to one another. Do not use humor to make the other person look stupid. Successful marriages have learned the importance of loving one another without using negative influences or trying to get one’s way. These will only destroy a relationship. Once you fully understand this as a couple, you are on your way to having a more successful and productive relationship.
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